


Coming Back to You

by Animalium



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Good Severus Snape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Severitus | Severus Snape is Harry Potter's Parent, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Slow Burn, Virgin Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-11-05 22:57:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17927984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animalium/pseuds/Animalium
Summary: An unexpected reappearance topples everything Severus thought he know about the events of Lord Voldemort's defeat. Everything is put at risk, his position beneath the Dark Lord, his career within the school, and perhaps most importantly, his relationship with Harry Potter.Events in this fic are canon until Goblet of fire. Rating subject to change.





	1. Revelio

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I own nothing. All elements used in this story belong to J.K. Rowling and any other creators mentioned. This story will feature smut, but I don't plan on it being as graphic as some of my other fics.

Oh my heart,  
My beating heart,  
Keeps me coming back to you,

 - Oh My Heart by National Park Radio

..

XXXX

A scent akin to almonds swirled around him, riding on silver puffs of smoke. Tendrils of the steam that billowed from the potion in front of Severus tickled at his skin, pulling him back into the past as it did every year. Within it, he could pick out the light, airy scent of asphodel mingling with that of the English Laurel, and finally the dusty scent of graphite. He drowned himself in the intoxicating smell, letting it flow through him and awaken memories he had long forgotten.

Focusing his eyes back on the simmering potion before him, he wiped away the moment of weakness and rooted himself in the present. Dozens of eyes stared back at him expectantly, each student quiet and sitting with rapt attention. It was his favorite class to teach, filled with only those that wished to be there.

In this room, gone was the ineptitude of the classes before them, the childish behavior and subpar answers. The people who sat before him now possessed a knowledge, a desire, that should they dedicate themselves to their work, they could hope to achieve his level of skill. It was a shame that so few ever did. Only a handful of past students making a career out of this work and none with the same love for potions as he.

“Should you have listened to my previous instruction and completed your summer reading,” He glared at each of them in turn. “I expect that each of you could tell me the name of the potion inside the copper cauldron.”

The majority of hands rose slowly into the air, each hesitant about their answer, or rather his reaction. His eyes narrowed in on one boy in particular, one of the few that hadn’t tried to give an answer. “Pinner?”

The snub nosed, mousey haired boy lifted his head, not fully meeting Severus’ eyes. He was a timid Hufflepuff, never offering an answer of his own volition. Beneath his hazel eyes however, lurked a wealth of knowledge Severus so rarely encountered. “A-amortentia, Sir.”

The left corner of Severus’ lips twitched in satisfaction and the boy straightened further on his stool. His shoulders rolled back in slight confidence. He opened his mouth again, knowing his professor expected an explanation after five previous years inside the dingy classroom. “It’s the most powerful…”

Severus felt a zing run across his wrist, caught a glimmer of light from the corner of his eye. He dropped his sight, training his eyes on the sleeve that concealed his wand when it happened again. A lone, blue spark wormed its way from beneath the fabric of his clothes. The voice of Merton Pinner had faded, only reaching his ears in murmurs.

Xxxx

Severus stepped from the fireplace, wand raised. His eyes, as intense and dark as a night sky, were narrowed as they fell on the belongings of his Cokeworth home. He scanned the windows, the doors, looking for a sign of the forced entry his wand had alerted him to.

It was likely a squatter, it had happened in the past. That had been his reasoning for creating this spell in the first place. He spent so much time away from here, that it must have looked like the perfect, abandoned, refuge. Severus understood why he was targeted, but that didn’t mean he was lowering his wand. The incantations he’d placed on his home should have stopped this from happening again.

Everything looked intact, the glass of the window panes were whole, the door shut and locked. He had been here only two days previous. His home appeared exactly as he had left it, but something was off. He began to explore, his footsteps across the warped, wooden planks of the floor quiet from years of practice.

A thud met his ears from the other room and he stopped in his tracks, hand tightening on his wand before he advanced again. His pace was quicker this time, determined as he made his way to the source of the sound when it came again. This time it was the sound of a drawer being shut, of silverware knocking together.

 _Food? “_ Who’s there?” Severus’ voice came out as a low growl, emanating from the back of his throat with a ferocity he wasn’t sure he felt.

Silence. He couldn’t even hear that of feet, of an attempted escape.

“Sev?”

The consonants of his childhood nickname rang in his ears. The image of a rust colored, fair skinned woman flashed through his mind. The smile on her face morphing into the blank stare of death.

“Severus?” The voice came again, a voice that sounded like home, like the warmth from a crackling fireplace, crickets on a summer night. Like Lily.

He gave a series of rapid blinks, wiping away the memories that he wasn’t entirely sure existed now. When his eyes cleared he found her standing in front of him, no longer the image of perfection he remembered.

Her hair was mussed, the red strands forever tangled together in a series of knots a brush could never conquer. Her cream-colored skin was speckled with black, patches of dirt smeared across and her equally disheveled clothes. A spoon – _his spoon –_ was held upright to her lips. _Peanut butter._ And something about her eyes…It wasn’t right.

He raised his wand arm again, having not realized that it dropped. “Who are you?”

Confusion crossed her features, she tipped her head to the side, examining him with foggy eyes. “Its Lily. You don’t remember?” The confusion turned into a disappointment he didn’t understand.

“Its not possible. You were…” He found himself unable to finish his sentence, his words dropping to a hush before fading completely. Few things were capable of leaving him speechless, but this? It couldn’t possibly be true. The sensation of her lifeless body in his arms, already having gone cold, was one he could never forget.

On that day, he had seen her up close, had held her, an action he hadn’t done in years. Her face had changed slightly as she matured, grew into herself, but he had known without a doubt that it was her. That day had been thirteen years ago, but it felt as if it had happened only minutes ago. The Lily that stood before him wasn’t the Lily he knew, it _wasn’t_ Lily _._

“ _Incarcerous.”_ The words left his mouth before the thought had fully formed in his mind. Rope sprung from the tip of his wand, winding themselves around her. She struggled against it, panic rising in her eyes as her arms were pinned to her side, her body made immobile. The spoon that had been clenched in her hand clattered to the floor beneath her.

“Sev- Severus.” The airy voice of before was choked by fear, made brittle and weak. “What are you doing? It’s _me._ Its…its… _Don’t do this_.”

Anger, frustration, boiled in his veins. He had to tread carefully. With the Dark Lord looming, anyone could be standing in front of him. It was easy to conceal one’s identity. “There are other ways to learn who you are. We can wait, we can cast charms, or best of all, _you can tell me.”_

She flinched at his growl of a threat, giving only a shake of the head. Her lower lip trembled, preventing any words from escaping her mouth. His wand was aimed at her again, a different, _planned_ , spell on his mind. “ _Revelio.”_ This time a wind emanated from his wand, blowing over her in a rush. A wind that would remove almost any mask she hid behind. Her hair fell back into place, the gust of air dying away and leaving her in its place, exactly as she’d been before.

“Polyjuice then?” He cocked an eyebrow upwards. “Not the easiest potion to brew.” A smirk formed on his lips, his chin tipped upwards in mock laughter. “But you’re _Lily,_ right? The great potioneer.” He turned away from her, settling himself in a chair next to the fireplace. His fingers picked at the yellow threads that had come unstitched. “So, we’ll wait. An hour should do it, assuming you took it just before my arrival.” He waited for her to speak, to give an excuse, but she only stared, bound into a standing position. “I do have _one_ question. How did you get in here? How did you get past the protection charms?”

“Si-sino Advorsa.”

_“That, there. What does it do?” Lily pointed to the two spells beneath the header ‘protection’. Chewing the inside of her cheek before she looked up into his dark eyes. “It isn’t like the last one, is it?”_

_“No.” He shook his head, black curtain of hair swinging at the motion and hiding the irritation he felt at the accusation. “Keeps the Slytherins out of my trunk.”_

_At his words, she looked at one of the other books on the library table. The binding had been torn and held together with spellotape. Equally tattered pages spilling out from beneath the cover. “It’s a ward?”_

_“Of sorts.”_

He blinked again, annoyed by the recollections this… _person_ was forcing to the forefront of his mind. Before he could respond, she spoke again, her voice filled with more confidence than it had been before.

“That’s not the only thing I remember.” Wrinkles appeared in her forehead, as if it took a great deal of pain to even remember what she remembered. “The mark. You took it, right? Winter break of seventh year.”

“If you think that proves anything-“

“I- I know. Its public knowledge.” She looked away from him as if deciding her next words. “But what about why you got it? How many people know that?”

The muscles of his cheeks jumped, and he adjusted his position in agitation. He didn’t respond, allowing her to continue and she took the chance.

“Your dad, he was a-

“Fucker.”

“Yes.” She smiled ever so slightly at his outburst. “He made you hate muggles, made you-“

“I’m aware what he did.” His words were forced through his clenched teeth. “A reminder isn’t necessary.”

“But it wasn’t just him.” Her eyes locked on his again, causing him to swallow. She was growing dangerously close to facts that only the true Lily would know. “Margaret.”

 _“You_ stupid _boy.” The woman’s jowls wobbled with the threat of her words. “You’re just like your mother, a worthless twit. You’ll amount to nothing.” She removed the book out from in front of him, tearing the pages from it that it had been turned to and tossing the crumpled paper to the floor. “This is rubbish, a fantasy. “You’d do well to stick to your school books and nothing else.”_

_“That was my Mums!” Severus shot back, angry with the white haired and frazzled looking woman. He stood so quickly that the wooden chair toppled to the ground. The palm of her hand was raised, striking him across the cheek._

_He jerked, his fingers rising to touch the growing welt, the now red skin. His eyes fell to the pages on the floor, the diagram of a mandrake staring back at him. His face hurt, but it was nothing new. What stung more was how he would fix the pages of a book he cared so much about._

Lily had tended to that wound. He had been too embarrassed to go home, to afraid of what his father would do if he saw the damage Severus’ grandma had inflicted. Not on her of course, Severus would have “deserved it” and Tobias probably would have thought Severus deserved more. His sickening views had had to come from somewhere.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Her voice broke the silence that had stretched out between them as he fell back into the present yet again.

“My reasoning is irrelevant.” He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Let’s say you _are_ Lily-

“ _-I am!”_

He raised a hand in impatience. “Then how the absolute _fuck_ do you explain the body – _your body –_ I…I watched be buried?”

Her mouth cracked open before closing again. Severus watched her eyes grow shiny, tears brimming her eyelids for the first time that evening. She seemed to lose the small bit of composure she had maintained, her persona falling apart in front of him. He smirked to himself, pleased with how easily he had unraveled her lies. “That’s what I thought.”

His still held wand was lifted, and he gave it a jerk through the air. A chair was conjured behind her before he cast yet another spell. By moving only his arm, he forced her to sit. “In forty-five minutes, we’ll both know the truth.”


	2. Confundo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, for some reason this didn't post last night.

"Do you believe me yet?"

Severus stared at her. There had to be something else. Enough time had passed to eliminate polyjuice, but he just couldn't succumb to the belief that what she said was true, that this was really her.

"I can tell you don't." She began again, her voice brittle with emotion. "Use what spells you want. Kill me if you must." She was fierce, accusatory, her eyes burning with a built-up rage. "I know what you are, what you've done, but I came to  _you_  for help."

"Help?" He found the word near impossible to say, it was almost as difficult as it had been to hear. Lily fucking Potter was asking for  _his_ help. And as always, the question had followed an accusation, a reminder of the shitty person she thought he was. "What makes you think I'd help a…"  _Mudblood._ He wanted to say it, even if he didn't feel that way any more. He wanted to throw it in her face, but found himself unable to wound her.

"You can't say it, can you?" There was that air of defiance again, superiority. He had always hated that look. "Can you at least remove the ropes? I've spent enough time like this." Her voice trailed off, mind floating to somewhere Severus couldn't see. "Take my wand if you like."

He approached her in silence, the gears of his mind turning. The freckles across her nose were there, the mole on her collar bone. She was just as he remembered. "How…" He whispered to himself more than anything. It didn't make sense.

His wand was raised, the ropes that held her vanished with the assumption that should she attack, he could take her. Lily's hands gripped the fitted fabric across his chest. Holding on as if the cloth itself could change everything. Her head bowed, shoulders shaking, as a strangled noise escaped her lips. Severus raised his arm, his hand hovering a few inches above her shoulder.  _There, there? What kind of patronizing comment was that?_

She made no attempt to hurt him, seeming unable to do anything but fall apart. His hand rested on her shoulder blade in awkward contact, trying to provide a comfort he didn't know how to give. He let her cry on him, unable to break whatever release this was. Instead, he kept his mouth shut.  _It's her…its really her._

"I suppose you want answers." She sniffed after several minutes had passed. When she looked up at him again, a blush had filled her cheeks. The tears that had spilled from her eyes left clean tracks through the dirt that covered her.

"I do." His eyes flit over her, the distress she was in, the state of her clothes. Her sleeves were long, her trousers reaching her feet, very little skin was exposed. If what he could see was this disheveled, then how destroyed was what was underneath? "But, I believe it would be wise to bathe first." It occurred to him then that she had never been inside his home, hadn't even been this close to him.

_"I thought we were supposed to be friends? Best friends?"_

_"We_ are,  _Sev."_

Damn those memories. "Come. Its just upstairs." He attempted to lead her, but she remained rooted in place, staring at him with fearful eyes.

"I think I'm quite capable of finding it on my own."

"By any means." He smirked at the tone of her voice. "Go ahead. I'll be waiting."

Xxxx

Lily stared at him. She tried to decipher his body language, to read his expression, and came up with nothing. The anger that had been there when he found her, the venom in his voice. It was a side of him she never cared to see again.

He was cruel, different than the small boy she had known. No longer a boy at all, but a man. But, at the same time there was a…softness to him. She wasn't sure she could use that word to describe him. All she knew, was that he was unlike the men she had recently spent her time with.

She had placed herself against him in a moment of weakness and gratefulness, but had he tried to touch her? No. Still, the thought of him taking her to the place she would be stripped naked was too much to bear. After all she had been through, she needed to do this on her own.

Upstairs, that's where he said the bathroom was. She took hesitant steps away from him, half expecting him to follow. Instead he resumed his seat, picking up the nearest novel and skimming the pages as if she hadn't just made an appearance akin to a magic act. When his inquisitive eyes were no longer on her, her walk turned more into a run. She took two stairs at a time, each squeaking beneath her feet.

The landing brought her to three doors. Assuming a bedroom would be on either side, she selected the center one and found herself correct. The room was small. Featuring the usual facilities with no extravagancies and only a small place to stand. She stepped on to the tile, locking the door before double and triple checking that it was secure.

She faced the mirror, taking in the image of herself. The person staring back wasn't someone she recognized, had ever seen before. Her skin was pale from being out of the sun for so long. The green of her eyes now dull. Raising her wand, she sliced the matted hair that hung around her face. Large chunks of red fell to the ground, tickling her feet. The mess steadily growing as the hair that was attached was snipped before being discarded in the trash.

When she was finally satisfied, she turned, avoiding the sight of herself in the mirror. The crusty clothes were peeled from her, specks of dirt falling to the floor. She wanted nothing more than to set the robes alight, burning her memories of them along with it.

The knob was turned, the shower head sputtering to life. Scalding water soon dripped from it, filling the room with steam. Lily stepped beneath, the hot drops searing her flesh. A bar of soap sat on a shelf of the shower. She held the ivory brick in her hands, the scent coming from it comfortable, familiar.

No matter how much time had passed, the scent of soil wet from rain, of green shoots coming through the ground, the scent this bar held, were entirely his. She had noticed it on his skin earlier, but had been concerned with other matters. He was so like the Severus she had known, but, yet, so different. With no other option, she grabbed it.

She watched as her skin faded from the brown of filth to its natural, nearly translucent shade. She scrubbed furiously at her skin, until it grew an angry red. Still it wasn't enough. Water could never wash away the things that she had been through, the things that she had been done to her. The scars that now marked her, the fresh scabs, would forever remind her of things she could never forget.

She stepped from the tub and found a fresh set of robes waiting for. Instinctively, she used her hands to cover herself, afraid that he may still be lurking in the room. Her eyes darted from side to side in nervousness before realizing she was alone. She felt nauseous at the thought that he was  _here,_  and she hadn't even known. Had he snuck a peek? Panic rose up in her, closing her throat. She slammed her eyes shut, pushing the memories away and focusing on the clothes that been left. No matter where they had come from, she needed to wear something.

The robes were black, a style much like the ones Severus wore. She assumed that they were in fact ones he wore, but these ones appeared to be to more feminine, smaller than what would fit his broad frame. Transfigured, of course. She dressed.

Xxxx

"You came in?"

Lily's voice, no matter how quiet, interrupted his reading, and he closed the book with a thud. "I'm no pervert." When he faced her, she looked entirely different than minutes before. Her hair had been cut short, a bit like that of a fairy's, and she was unblemished. Her arms were crossed over her chest protectively. "Magic. I didn't even open the door."

Her posture relaxed, as if she hadn't considered magic being a possibility. He eyed her carefully, still bloody confused by the entire situation he had found himself in. This hadn't been the plan for this evening, hadn't been the plan of  _any_ evening, and he must be getting back. He had left as class ended. His day was far from over.

"Severus, I…I don't know anything." She looked away from hm, taking a seat on the couch near him and collapsing in on herself. The shock of whatever she had been through appeared to take over. Her eyes were vacant, unfocused on the moment they were in. "I don't know where my husband is, my son…are they alive?"

He simply stared, never imaging he would have to be the one to break this to her.  _Potter, the insolent little…_  He felt a sneer threatening to break out, but controlled it in her presence. "James was killed the night you were attacked. Then again, we thought you were too."

"We?"

"Potter-  _Harry_  is famous. The fate of your family is well known. He was the only one to survive."  _Or so we thought._

"Survive?" She gasped. "He's alive?" Tears welled in her eyes again. Her hands shook as she twirled the wedding ring on her finger.

"As of mere hours ago, yes."

"Harry…my Harry." She covered her mouth, rocking back and fourth in her seat.

He leaned forward, eyes narrowing as he stared at her. "Lily, where have you been?"

Lily drew in a shaking breath. The look in her eyes made it evident that she was debating telling him the truth. "What matters is I'm here now."

"And  _here?_  Why is that?" She stared at him blankly and he couldn't help the flickering of rage he felt at the expression. It was as if nothing between them had happened, had mattered. He had tortured himself over her fate, what had happened between them, for  _years._ Since Harry had come to Hogwarts, it was worse. To be faced with the parentless child every day, to be in the boy's presence. It was a constant reminder of the horrors he had committed. And now, she was here. It was almost as if all that pain, the regret, had been pointless. "If you knew my position beneath the Dark Lord, why did you assume that I could be trustworthy? That I would help?"

She flinched at the snap in his voice. He hadn't intended to scare her further. But the brewing headache, the surprise that he had received. He wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't dreaming. He had expected to deal with a vagrant, not…

"Coming here was a chance in heck I had to take." He smirked at her language, her innocence. "My family is gone; my friends having received a similar fate. All that was left, was you. And even that I wasn't sure of…How did you know I was here?"

He ignored her statements, it made sense, he needn't respond, and instead focused on her question. "Wonderful little spell of mine. Warns me of intruders." He stood from his seat, giving the watch on his wrist a glance. "I'm afraid this reunion of sorts has come to an end. I must be getting back."

"Back?" There was the fear, again. It seemed she didn't want to be left alone. "Where are you going 'back' to?"

It was clear she knew absolutely nothing about the world that had gone on without her. He still had so many questions, but it wasn't fair to bombard her with them. The time would come. "Hogwarts."

"You…teach?" Her eyebrows knitted together at the question. It was pure curiosity. She wanted to know more about  _him._

"Unfortunately, yes." He stared at her. She was the reason he was a professor, in a way. "Perhaps you should come along, see your son." That did it. The tears of before had been either silent or contained. Now she let out gut wrenching sobs, wailing like a child in front of him and unable to form any, actual words. "I'll take that as a yes."

She nodded her head fiercely, standing so quickly she stumbled. The look on her face told him that she had never expected this moment, had never expected to see her son again. If he could repent for anything that he had done, this was the perfect opportunity. Returning a mother to her child.


	3. Reparifors

Lily spun the golden band on her slender finger, the rough diamond dragging beneath the tip of her finger. She focused on the cool metal against her skin, the same thought running through her mind on repeat. James is dead, Harry is alive. James is dead, Harry is alive…

She watched Severus in a slight daze, barely processing that he was there. He faced the floo, a ceramic pot in one hand and a fist full of black powder in the other. He was distracted, his attention having drifted from her. She ran a hand up the bumped flesh of her arm, goosebumps having erupted across her. The chills had come on suddenly. James is dead, Harry is alive…

“Severus?” She watched the shift of his hair as he turned an ear towards her before he gave an unconcerned toss into the fireplace. Green flames erupted, casting shades of lime across both of them. “Severus.” She said again, more insistent. He glanced fully over her shoulder, a crease appearing on his forehead. She blinked, his features blurring. “Where are your glasses?’

Xxxx

He turned to face her, more than a little confused. “Glasses?” He began, the word barely drifting from her lips as she went limp, her body collapsing beneath her. His wand was in his hand in seconds, casting a silent spell to cushion her fall. The wood floor would not leave a good impression on her face.

“I should have ignored the sparks.” He grumbled to himself, knowing it wasn’t true. If he had ignored the call he would have yet another regret to add to his list. “Oh, Lily…” He began, lifting her into his arms. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

One arm was placed beneath her knees, allowing her legs to dangle over the other side while the other supported her upper back and neck. Her head lolled in unconsciousness and he shifted his hold so that she rested against his chest.

Muscular wouldn’t be a word to describe him. But, it was clear she had wasted away. Lifting her was no more difficult than carrying a wet napkin. Severus snuck a glance at her face, so similar to the young girl that he remembered, yet so different. Worry lines crossed her face, ones that never should have been there and he set his jaw.

He stepped into the still flickering flame of the floo, muttering his location before he was engulfed.

Xxxx

“Mmmm.” She stirred, feeling something soft beneath her. She shifted against the something, burying herself deeper under the warm blanket that was soft against her skin. It was a comfort she hadn’t felt in years, and she had no desire to open her eyes, and ruin the moment. Unfortunately, his voice did.

“Lily?” His tone was cold in comparison to the heat that enveloped her, fighting the chill she had experienced earlier. She ignored him, hoping he would leave her be. “Lily Potter.” Her last name was said with a sneer, his hatred bubbling to the surface. She groaned in protest before opening her eyes.

She had expected the cozy environment of his home, a flickering flame, while the sunlight outside dimmed. Instead she was met with darkness. Her breath quickened, catching in her throat as she scrambled from the vulnerable position she had been placed in. She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, covering her chest, her pelvis, before realizing she was in the same clothes as before.

The vision of him swam into her vision, intimidating and overbearing as he approached her. She was short, a foot or so beneath him even when standing, but in this hunched position on whatever this was, she was dwarfed in comparison. “Don’t touch me.” She blurted with as much force as possible, though her voice shook. She caught the flicker of his brows, his one physical feature that could betray whatever emotion lurked beneath.

“That was not my intention.”

He shrank, sitting on the other end of what she now realized was a bed. That did nothing to comfort her. The dark, musty, stone surroundings were too similar to the place she had come from and she started her chant again. Harry is alive, Harry is alive, Harry is alive…

“I think Its time you told me what the hell happened.”

She opened her mouth to speak, to argue, when he held up a hand to stop her. “I have no interest in the private details of your life. You’re in shock. You need treatment. You can’t get it if Poppy doesn’t know what’s wrong.”

“Pomfrey?” She looked around the room for the first time, expecting the fair haired matron to be waiting with Severus. Instead, she was greeted by the sight of furniture. “No, no one else. I don’t want her to know.”

“You’re stuck with me, then.”

Her instinct was to be repulsed, to tell him to leave. Should she die, she could accept that. She had begged for it for so long.

“I’m not leaving.” He began again, seeming to know her thoughts.

Perhaps you should come along, see your son. His words replayed. Her son. She looked around the room, still trembling. It was too similar. “I need more light.”

Her request was filled, his wand coming through the air and igniting a lantern beside her. He asked no questions, instead filling her demands with little show of curiosity. She didn’t understand it.

“The Dark Lord took me prisoner.”

His eyes narrowed at the words and she knew her mistake. It was too late.

“I merely needed to know where you were injured.”

Where aren’t I injured? Everything ached. It was a pain she had gotten used to long ago, had been able to push from her mind. Lily took in a large breath. Fearful of what came next. Her eyes squeezed shut, fighting the tears that had reappeared. She tried to wrap her mind around it, to force herself to believe that this was different, that he wasn’t going to hurt her. Maybe another woman – Pomfrey – would be better.

She was about to open her mouth to say so when she felt the brush of his skin against her fingers. She opened her eyes, glancing at the touch. He hadn’t gripped her hand, simply rested the tips of his fingers on top of hers. He hadn’t even moved from his position, only leaning forward. She swallowed, setting her resolve. No matter the memories it drug up, it had to be done. You’re safe. She changed her mantra.

“Can you…can you give me a moment?” She glanced up at him in hope, her eyebrows together. She half expected him to strike, to berate her, but he wasn’t her captor. Instead he stood, leaving the room without a word and closing the door behind him.

She began slow. It was the most her mind could take. As she undid the buttons of her robes – his robes – she forced away the idea that she was undressing for a man before realizing that she was undressing. She wasn’t forced to strip in front of a pair of hungry eyes, she wasn’t having the clothes torn from her, she was choosing to do this.

She slid her arms from her sleeves, avoiding looking at herself. There was no bra to remove. Severus hadn’t thought to provide that, not like she expected him to. Her trousers were removed next, left close beside her should she need to grab them. Lily pulled the blanket up, covering her bare chest, ensuring that nothing showed but what she meant to.

“Okay” She called, her voice cracking. The door was opened again and he returned. Whatever relief she had been able to dredge up disappeared. He stared at her face and she was thankful his eyes didn’t linger lower. She had an idea of what she looked like and new the state she was in wasn’t pretty.

“I’m going to sit behind you.” He spoke slowly, waiting for her approval. She nodded and he did as he said he would, his movements careful and predictable, an effort she was thankful for. “Can I touch your back?”

She nodded again, unable to form words through her tight throat. Her eyes stung with fresh tears. She gasped at the touch of his thumb near her spine. He pressed, causing her to wince and clench her hands into fists.

“Crucio is particularly hard on the back.”

She felt the tip of what she assumed was his wand next, pressed at the base of her spine. There was the muttering of an incoherent charm before a warmth began to spread through her nerves. It tingled at first, snaking through her body before giving way to heat. She relaxed at the sensation, her shoulders slumping.

“Poppy taught it to me. I guess she became fed up with my constant stays in the hospital.”

There was a lightness in his voice she had had yet to see, an attempt at humor, and she appreciated it. Part of her wondered why Pomfrey was healing him in the first place.

The sensation of before dimmed and his wand was removed. “May I see your arms?”

“Yes.” She croaked and he moved slowly to the front of her. Lily clamped the blanket beneath her armpits to hold it up over herself as she held her arms out towards him. He stared at the backs of her hands, his thumb running over her wrist bones.

“There’s a break that didn’t heal correctly.” He pointed at a space at the back of her wrist. “You see that kink?“

“I… I remember.”

“How long ago did it happen?”

It occurred to her that she didn’t know how long it had been. “At the beginning.”

”It’ll be harder to heal, then. The pain will be intense.” He looked at her with a questioning gaze and she shook her head.

“I’ve lived with it long enough, what’s a little more?”

He was silent and she took it as an answer, an agreement, before her arms were turned over. She felt his grip tighten momentarily in the surprise that she had been expecting. She saw Severus’ eyes fixate on the spot in question, unable to contain his surprise. He must have had a suspicion.

“How long?”

“At the beginning.” She repeated again, her own eyes glancing at the dark mark that disfigured her.

“But, how?” The question was quiet, not meant for her. “Only the Dark Lord can give it.” He cleared his throat, recomposing himself, and returning to his exam. His hands wandered further without any more questions, checking her upper arms, her shoulders, her neck, and fixing things along the way. It was when he noticed the only part left of her upper body was her chest and abdomen that any hesitation entered his voice.

Umm…your ribs, did you break any of those?”

Had the situation been any different, had she not just escaped captivity, she might have laughed at his awkwardness. Instead, she wanted to bury herself in a hole, feeling her own cheeks blush at the thought that her breasts – no matter how innocent – had entered his mind. “A few.”

“I expect you can take care of those yourself?” He lifted an eyebrow and she was grateful for the suggestion.

“I…I can try.”

His evaluation of her continued to her legs, fixing broken toes, an ankle, and stopping at her knees for which she was thankful. Noticing the brilliant shade of red that had crept up his neck, she assumed he was too.

Severus stood suddenly, leaving the room without a word. Through the open doorway, she could hear the unmistakable clink of potions bottles. He turned with such an armload that part of her felt ashamed. Who knew so many healing potions existed. He handed her one of deep maroon first. “This should help any internal injuries you may have suffered. My healing ability isn’t up to par for those, a healer would have been better.”

She knew what he was suggesting, but the thought of another person there was too much for her right now. She ignored the insinuation, downing the foul potion instead and grimacing as it hit her tongue. “Was it brewed with rotten cabbage?” She wrinkled her nose, handing the vial to him.

He said nothing, a smirk appearing on his face instead as she was passed another. “For potential brain damage.”

She swallowed the pale blue potion, sputtering even worse than before. “Are you sure you aren’t trying to poison me? Did you lose your touch?”

“A kind insinuation, and no.” Severus shoved bottle after bottle into her hand with a simple explanation for each. She took every one that she was given, each more dreadful than the last, but she spared him her comments. Lily was sure her face told him all he needed to know. When there were three items left in his arms did he stop.

“These last two are optional.”

She recognized them immediately. They were ones they had brewed as students, a part of the curriculum. A sleeping draught and a potion for memory restoration. “No, absolutely not.”

“As I expected.” They were set down, leaving only a tub left.

“And this.” He held it up. “is for cuts and scars.”

Part of her wondered why he had been so silent about it. There were many that crossed her body and he would have had to have been a dimwit not to notice. She took that one eagerly, wanting to rid herself of any marks the Dark Lord had left her.

“It won’t get rid of them completely.” He cautioned, sensing her excitement. “But, the cuts will heal and the scars will fade.”

She stared at the container of white ointment not knowing what to say. There was a relief inside of her that came from a variety of sources. He had healed her, he had eased her pain, she was safe, and all of it was because of him.

“Thank y-“

Noo, net yet.” He lowered himself again, meeting her eyes at her level with a sincerity that surprised her. He had been so cold not long ago, not believing what was in front of him. “I don’t think its wise that you see Harry, not yet.”

The Injustice struck her, a pain zinging through her abdomen. That thought had kept her going tonight. She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued over her so quickly that she didn’t have a chance.

“He’s under an exorbitant amount of stress. He doesn’t need to see his mother in such a fragile condition.”

She was silent, looking down at the blanket, unable to look at him. It hurt to hear, but it was right. It wasn’t fair to Harry. Hell, it wasn’t fair to her. How was it that Severus had known her own son better, longer, than she had? “I’d like to get dressed again.” She mumbled, unable to comment on their discussion.

“Dresser is there if you need anything.” Severus gestured to a piece of furniture on the other side of the room with a nod off his head before he left, shutting the door and leaving her along once again.


	4. Legilimens

“Beady!” Severus summoned as he stepped into the main portion of his quarters. A pale, pink creature appeared in front of him. The house elf was timid, wringing her hands and avoiding meeting his eyes directly. _How ironic that a creature with such big eyes is named Beady._ He gave an internal chuckle at the thought.

“I missed dinner.” He explained. “A plate of sandwiches would do…and pumpkin juice.” He added, remembering how much Lily had liked the stuff while they were at Hogwarts. When the elf disapparated again did he hear the door creak open

“Dinner?” She asked, her voice timid. “How long was I out for?”

He glanced at his watch. “Roughly four hours. Its past seven.”

“And you were here? The whole time?” Her eyebrows came in with skepticism. In the events of that day, there had been a lot for each of them to question.

“My last class was cancelled, yes.” Beady apparated back with the items he had requested. He halted his conversation, muttering a thank you to her. She gave Lily a glance, but said nothing. Severus was thankful that house elves seemed impervious to gossip. He assumed he was the only one to know Lily’s true fate. It wouldn’t do for word to spread through the castle that Lily had been seen _here_ of all places. The situation was already going to be hard enough to explain, particularly to Potter. He knew the boy would have questions. For once, Severus didn’t blame him. “I used the excuse of illness. No one is aware that you are here, not even Dumbledore.”

He lifted a sandwich from the plate that he held, offering it to her as he made is way to the table. It was when she stepped out from the blackness of the doorway that he noticed what she wore. She had a wand, she could have transfigured anything, but had stuck to his muggle clothing instead. She was drowning inside of them.

After seeing her covered by nothing more than a blanket, he wasn’t surprised. Her collarbone had jutted through her pale skin, just as visible as everything else. It hadn’t been hard to determine her injuries, both fat and muscle having wasted away to nothing and leaving the bones beneath more than visible.

He found himself staring, contemplating these things as she sat across from him. He wasn’t the only that had noticed. “What?”

“Nothing.” He grumbled, averting his eyes to the food in front of him. He picked at the bread and awkwardness fell between them.

“Severus.” She began a minute later between bites, his name sounded out slowly. It was like she was trying to get used to his name again, letting it roll over her tongue. “What year is Harry in?” The question seemed to pain her, and she avoided his eyes. The look on her face made him unwilling to answer, to destroy her further, but he did it anyway.

“He’s fourteen.”

“Fourteen?” She repeated, her voice a squeak of disappointment. “I was gone thirteen years?”

“Where exactly is ‘gone’?” He pushed.

“Headquarters.”

“Headquarters? As in the Dark Lord’s headquarters?” His hand lowered from his mouth, the food he had been about to take a bite of forgotten.

“Yes.”

He placed the sandwich down, having lost his appetite entirely. _He had been there,_ he had been in the same building as she and he had had no clue. Severus felt sick with regret, with guilt. She had been so close, and he had never known. He cleared his throat. “Was the Dark Lord there?”

She frowned, tipping her head to the side. “Not exactly.”

“Lily, I…” He scratched his scalp before running his fingers down through the greasy strands. “Had I known…”

“You couldn’t have done anything.”

Fair enough. He would have only gotten himself killed in the process, and likely her too. The Dark Lord could track them through their marks. Unless they were willing to slice their own arms off, there was no way to avoid him. They could have run, could have hid, but he would have found them in seconds and all of it would have been pointless. That led him to his next thought. He had assumed that she escaped. “And the Dark Lord, he let you go?”

She nodded. “Sev, he…he’s coming for Harry.”

“As he has the last three yea-“ He paused, realizing who he was talking to. “Right.”

“I know what he’s done, what _Harry_ has done.” Her voice was meek, barely audible. Had he not been expecting a response he would have missed it entirely. The Dark Lord…he boasted about-“

“Lils.” Severus interrupted, his voice stern as something occurred to him. “Are you able to hide this conversation from him? Should he come looking?”

She gave a slow nod, as if she wasn’t sure herself. “I had a lot of time to myself. I remembered all your talk about occlumency, when you were trying to teach yourself.”

“And you learned?”

“Yes, well, maybe. I haven’t had a chance to actually use it.”

His head snapped up, meeting her juniper green eyes. They were identical to those of Harry’s, the same eyes he had met almost every day for the past three years. He cast the spell, knowing it would work best if she wasn’t prepared.

He found himself in her thoughts, in a room he had never seen. Of course, he hadn’t.

Her leg was shackled, bare except the dirt that covered it. She was on the stone floor, her knees bent to her chest. He heard the squeak of a heavy door, Lily’s head turning towards the newcomer. Before he was able to catch a glimpse of the intruder, he was shoved so forcefully from her mind that he nearly fell from the chair.

 _“That’s private.”_ She growled, her voice trembling. She stood, leaving her half-eaten food behind her, and abandoning him. He watched as she stepped towards the door of his bedroom, the only door she could escape to besides the one that led her outside.

Guilt flooded his system, he hadn’t intended to hurt her so. Severus had been checking the strength of her barriers, not trying to invade her privacy out of sheer cruelty. He learned two things from doing so. That her barriers needed work, and not to do that again.

Feeling as though he’d swallowed a bag of rocks, he stood. He approached the door she had disappeared behind and gave it a gentle knock. “I have business to take care of.”

Xxxx

Severus had grown used to this castle, to its well travelled paths, in the twenty years that he had been here. Seven he had spent as a student, having only one gap year before he sold his soul to another a master, before he accepted a life sentence in this place he had never been able to love.

He took the rarely walked corridors, disinterested in any interaction with another human being. His mind was too wound up in thoughts of Lily and the discretion that this situation required. It had been only hours since he had found her, but it felt like days. His mind had not stopped working in that time.

Even while he’d been trying to determine if it was really her, his mind had been racing. During that hour, part of him had hoped that it wasn’t her. Had it been another death eater in disguise, or someone who was trying to hurt him, he could have dealt with the problem. One, quick spell, and the threat would have been eliminated. But, with Lily, it was like orchestrating a whole other side of the war. He had somehow come responsible for her integration back into society, back to her son.

She had been calm, sucking on the end of a spoon like he’d seen her do countless times before. Her appearance was the only sign that she had been through any kind of trauma. It was the shock that led to her calm demeanor, the normalcy, he knew that know. She had been given freedom after so many years in captivity, so many years of things he didn’t even want to imagine.

The small inkling he had received through legillimency had spurred thoughts he hadn’t even considered, thoughts he didn’t even want to touch. They had more in common now than they ever had before.  He knew it was selfish, the flicker of contentment he had felt at realizing it was _really_ _her._ Sure, the situation was complicated, to say the least, but she was _alive,_ and he had a desire to keep her that way.

The thoughts carried him all the way to Dumbledore’s office and through heavy door. They dwindled only when Dumbledore beamed back at him from behind his desk. “Severus.” He began, rolling up the parchment that had been in front of him. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“We have a situation. But, first, I think some firewhisky would be wise.” He glanced at the cabinet in which he knew it was held. Dumbledore’s smiled dropped in slight confusion as he called the alcohol to him with the flick of his wand.

Holding the decanter between his aged fingers, he began to pour the both of them a stiff drink. “You’ve never been one for alcohol.”

“No.” Severus agreed. “But, this situation calls for it.” He took the glass from the headmaster, eagerly sipping at the contents. He marveled, not for the first time, at the maker's ability to capture the scent, the taste of flame in a liquid. When he could feel the warm, liquid courage spreading through his veins, he spoke again. “I found a rather strange occupant in my home this evening.”

“I assume this has to do with your _illness?”_ Dumbledore smirked, an eyebrow raised.

 Severus ignored him. “It was Lily Potter.”

The teasing grin was wiped from his face to replaced by shock, silence. After a minute he cleared his throat. “ _If_ this is Lily-“

“Its her. There’s no _if_ about it.” Severus had no desire to repeat the tests he had put an already traumatized Lily through.

“Did she provide an explanation?”

“Not entirely, but I could hazard a guess. She’s in bad shape.”

“Is Harry aware?”

“No.” He dreaded that very thing. “If he was, you wouldn’t be hearing this from me.” The boy was incapable of keeping a secret. It was a miracle he was still alive. “But, he needs to be.” Dumbledore nodded in agreement, but Severus could practically see the gears of his mind working. “Her son – the only thing she has left in her life – is about to battle a fucking _dragon.”_

“Harry is not the only thing she has left.” Dumbledore insisted, ignoring the danger that Severus had insinuated.

“Sir?”

“She came to you, didn’t she?”

Severus passed the now empty glass between each hand, distracting himself. “She had no where else to go.”

Dumbledore lifted his arms, gesturing to the room around him before looking at Severus as if he was that 11-year-old boy all over again. “Hogwarts would have accepted her.”

He felt an anger boiling within him, a heat that had nothing to do with his drink. “Harry is in _danger_.” He recalled what she had said. _He’s coming for Harry._ It was a situation that didn’t change from year to year, but that worried him all the same. “With his mother back, I’m afraid he’ll be more of a target than ever before.”

Xxxx

_She shifted in the floor that was cold beneath her bare skin. Her hips ached from the hard surface she rested on day after day, the pain migrating up her spine. The skin of her ankle was raw from the chain that prevented her from moving, from any kind of escape. The iron had been charmed, preventing her from fiddling with it in any way, cementing her in this place._

_She heard the squeak of a door, the announcement that she was no longer alone. She forced her mind elsewhere, knowing what was to come, hoping for an out of body experience. Everything was the same as before, the black robes the other death eater was clad in, the silver skull that hid his face, his identity. The only way for Lily to ever hope of recognizing this man was by his voice. Perhaps it was best she didn’t know._

_“Spread your legs, Potter.” Her last name was spat in disgust. The man making her feel like filth on his tongue. She locked her legs, pressing them closer together. She wouldn’t let his happen without a fight._

Tears stung her eyes, recalling the memory that Severus had drawn out of her. The pain, the humiliation, the triumph she could see in the other man’s eyes from behind the mask. She could feel his touch on her, his and many others. No matter how hard she scrubbed or how much soap she used, she would never feel truly clean.

He had violated her again and again and he was far from the only one. Thirteen years in captivity meant she had spent more time with them than she ever had with James, with the man she had loved, and the only one she desired. Lily felt destroyed from the things that had been done to her. She had been treated as little more than a piece of meat and she still felt as that was an accurate description of her worth.

“Lily?” It was Severus’ voice this time, not the gravelly one that had threatened her before. He spoke slowly as if unsure if he should be there.

She pulled the blankets of his bed tighter around herself, using them as a barrier from the outside world. A means of protection she hadn’t had before. “Come in.” She forced, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

He cracked the door open, allowing light from the other room to spill inside, across her. She wiped at her face, knowing that it was red. Despite everything she had been through in the last few hours, this was the most humiliating. She didn’t want him to see how destroyed she was, the mess that lay beneath the calm she had tried – and failed – to portray.

“Pott- Harry’s been informed that he’s needed in my office tomorrow morning.”

She propped herself upwards, not quite meeting his eye for fear of what would happen. “What did he do?”

“He has to meet his mother.”

 


	5. Homenum Revelio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late update. I have some health and family problems going on that is affecting my ability to write. I do update my profile consistently so if you're ever curious what's going on, that's likely where you can find out.

Harry threw the Gryffindor blankets off him in frustration. Oh, how he desired to stay cuddled in the warm confines of his bed for another two hours, but no. Professor Snape had sent him a letter the evening before, “insisting” on Harry’s presence at 6 the following morning. There had been no explanation, only the command, and certainly no way out of it.

Harry hadn’t done anything. He had been spared the wrath of his professor in yesterday’s class, had only earned a glare rather than a lecture. He hadn’t been given detention in _any_ of his classes. There was simply no reason for the potions professor to request him.

He stuffed his legs into the black pants of his uniform with a grumble. His eyes fell on the curtains of Ron’s bed with similar irritation. Ron had been equally outraged by the letter, had complained that it was unfair, but he wasn’t the one up before the sun. No, Harry could still hear him snoring behind the velveteen curtains.

He did up the buttons of his shirt, remembering Hermione’s _reasoning._ “If you were in trouble he would have said so. He’s probably concerned about your studies.” Bollocks. Snape didn’t give a damn about anything in Harry’s life if it didn’t affect him. Snape would be perfectly happy if Harry failed out of Hogwarts as long as Snape could mock him as he sulked from the castle.

Harry’s red and gold tie was tightened around his neck, his feet had slid into his worn trainers, and his arms into his cloak. He ignored the mess that was his hair. It was uncontrollable any way. He had been awake for all of five minutes and was already in a bad mood. He took one last, longing glance at his bed before storming quietly out of the room and past the other four, sleeping boys.

The corridors were silent, not a soul in the castle was awake except perhaps him and his professor. Snape seemed to be awake at all hours of the night. Always prowling the corridors looking for wrong doers – or maybe just Harry. It was ironic that Snape had permitted him to be out in the corridors this early when he had nearly busted him a dozen or so times before. Harry smirked at the thought, giving the letter tucked into his robes a pat. He wasn’t stupid enough to wander the castle so brazenly without proof it was allowed.

He continued down the many staircases, descending past the sleeping portraits and the violet lit windows without fully paying attention to where he was going. He remained on auto pilot. No longer needing to pay attention to find the potions classroom. Instead his mind was wrapped up in possibilities of what was to come, if he was in trouble.

He approached the heavy door, yanking on the handle and allowing himself inside.

“Potter.” Came a familiar sneer. Harry met the man’s eyes in exasperation. Instead of the cold, calculating, depths of black staring back at him, he found that Snape’s eyes had softened slightly. A flicker of unfamiliar warmth shown through them. Not because of Harry’s presence, he was sure of it. Purple circles hung beneath Snape’s eyes and he seemed positively exhausted. Even his hair seemed greasier than usual.

“I haven’t done anything.” Harry insisted, hoping he could worm his way out of whatever punishment he had incurred.

Snape stood straighter. “Your outrage is unnecessary.” He pushed himself from the desk he had been leaning against, his wand sliding into his hand. In response, Harry removed his as well. If this was an attack, he’d be prepared. He expected a snide comment, a retort of some kind. Instead, Snape gave him an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Follow me.”

Harry’s brows came inward at the two words. They were so different than what he had been expecting. The grip on his wand relaxed and he did as he was told, following Professor Snape from the office and back into the corridor he had just come from.

Snape locked his office without so much as a glance towards Harry. Why had he asked Harry for him to come there just to go somewhere else? He kept the question to himself, following the bat like man further down the dungeon corridor, walking several spaces behind the billowing cloak. They walked in the direction of what Harry knew to be the Slytherin common room. Snape reached the false wall behind which the house of Slytherin was hidden. He was half concerned that was their destination when they continued further, stopping at an inconspicuous section of stone a few meters past it.

As Snape paused in front of it, the stones that comprised the wall began to shift, to rearrange themselves and reveal a door that Harry had never known to exist. A click sounded, signaling it had been unlocked. Snape’s hand was placed on the knob, but instead of turning it and allowing the both of them inside, he faced Harry instead.

Something about his expression made Harry uneasy. Before he could form an opinion, the usual icy glare returned, and Snape spoke. “What you’re about to see doesn’t leave this room. You are not to tell your little friends, understood?”

Harry gave a hesitant nod, unsure what he was agreeing too or if he actually did. As if the morning couldn’t have been more complicated.

The door was pushed inward, revealing what could only be the man’s living quarters and heightening Harry’s confusion. He stepped into the far too intimate space. It was unnerving to have proof of his professor being a human being, not simply something that disappeared when out of Harry’s view. Of course, he had always known such a thing, but to see it was different. “Profress-?” Harry began when a trembling, feminine voice interrupted him.

“ _Harry._ ”

He turned in the direction of her, registering that it was vaguely familiar, but unable to place why. His eyes fell on a red headed, overly thin woman. She held a gentle smile, as if she was afraid of his reaction, and her eyes, _his eyes._ He looked between her and Snape, trying and failing to form words. Perhaps Malfoy had slipped him something, caused him to hallucinate. That could be the only explanation.

He glanced behind her, excepting the appearance of someone else. If it was truly his mum, not just someone who looked like her, surely his dad would be there too?

“Harry.” She repeated again with slightly more nerve than before. Neither of them quite sure how to continue the conversation.

“I was unaware of her survival until yesterday evening.” Snape broke the growing tension.

His voice sparked something in Harry, a different kind of confusion than before. Why here? Why were they together?

“Mum?” Harry croaked, his throat having gained the texture of sandpaper. “Is that…is it really you?” He wanted to approach her, to hug her, to assure himself that she was _real_ , but what if she wasn’t? What if the simple brush of skin broke the incantation? What if he was jerked back to a reality, he now wasn’t sure he could face? He’d dreamed of his parents before and had been heartbroken all the same when he had awoken, but none of them had been as vivid as this.

Xxxx

 _Mum._ He had called her mum. Her throat grew tight at those three simple letters, her eyesight had gone blurry. “It’s me, it’s really me.” The words were said not just to reassure him, but her as well. She rubbed absentmindedly at her wrists. Severus had healed the welts her bindings had left there, but part of her didn’t believe she had been freed.

Not only had she been freed, she had been given back her _son._ The boy that for years she had thought about, had worried about, and now he was here almost as perfect as when she had left him. His scar was the hint that he had lived a less than ideal life.

He was James. The resemblance had been there when he was a toddler, but now it was uncanny. It was as if she’d been thrust back into her own fourth year, the only difference between them being Harry’s vibrant, green eyes.

She glanced again at Severus, who looked entirely unhappy to be there. His arms had been crossed over his chest and a frown had settled on his face. She wondered for the first time about the relationship between him and her son.

“Severus, can you give us a moment?”

A glimmer of annoyance passed through his expression and his arms were dropped in exasperation. It was clear he was uncomfortable about this situation, but why she wasn’t sure. “Potter, this is my home, you would do well to remember that.” He turned before either of them could answer, the door rattling in the door jamb as it was slammed behind him, causing both Lily and Harry to stare in its direction.

“Can I?” She stepped forward tentatively, nervous he would say no. Harry seemed almost as apprehensive as Severus had and it pained her. Using what occlumency skill she had, she blocked out the nagging thoughts that told her she wasn’t needed, that Harry had lived this long without her. Thoughts that had been forced on her for so long. She steadily grew closer until her arms were around him. He was frozen beneath her touch at first before melting beneath her warmth, the motherly embrace.

He smelled slightly of sweat, of teenage boy. His pale skin soft against hers and his head at her shoulder. He was thin. Smaller than she had ever remembered James being, but perhaps he took more after her in that aspect. Sirius would never neglect him.

“Mum.” He said, his voice barely more than a breath, sounding out the name that was so new to both of them.

“Harry.” She repeated, pulling back so she could look at him. “Harry, Harry, Harry.” For years she had said the name to herself, it was one of the few things that had kept her sane. His name had lost all meaning from overuse, sounding more like a jumble of letters rather than anything important. Now she had a face, a _teenage_ face to attach it to, no longer fleeting images of him as an infant. With him in front of her, it sounded more like the name she had loved so long ago.

“How’s Sirius? Is he treating you well?”

A broad grin stretched across his face, revealing white, even teeth. “Yeah.” He gave a nod and she couldn’t help but smile back. She had had her reservations about Sirius when she and James had chosen the man as Harry’s guardian, but the happiness on his face diminished all worry.

“James-“ Her voice cracked slightly. _That_ wasn’t a name she had said aloud over the years. She had always assumed the worst, never really knowing. It hurt even more now that she had learned of his fate for sure. “-your father and I.” She continued, forcing what little smile she could. “Thought he would be best to raise you in the event that we…It’s nice to see we weren’t wrong.” The broad grin of before faltered. Harry tried to conceal it, but she had noticed the change. “What? What is it?”

“Sirius didn’t…” He trailed off, his mouth remaining open, but only silence continuing from it. Harry shook his head. “You’ve missed a lot. Maybe _Severus_ can fill you in.” The name was filled with such disgust that she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or be horrified, but it was true, she knew nothing. Whether it was these ones or that of the Dark Lord’s headquarters, she had been consistently trapped within walls, having seen little of the outside world and knowing even less.

“You…you don’t like him, do you?” She forced, keeping her mind on the present and the messy, black haired boy in front of her.

Harry shook his head vehemently, as if there’d ever been a doubt. “Can’t say I’m his biggest fan either.”

“Harry-“

“Where were you?” He interjected. “How are you alive?”

Her eyes were dropped from his face, instead falling to the white trainers sticking out from beneath his black robes. “It doesn’t matter.” Even if she knew the answers to those questions, she couldn’t give them. It was too painful.

“And here? Why are you _here?”_ His arms gestured wildly around them, his eyes wide with interest.

“Severus and I decided it’d be best if I wasn’t seen. A trip to his office-“

“No, I mean _here,_ with _him?”_

There was a look of hurt in his eyes, as if he’d expected her to apparate directly to Gryffindor tower, to pop in front of him as if the last 13 years hadn’t happened. She was silent for a moment, deciding on the best possible words. There was an unspoken, yet intense dislike between her…friend, if she could call him that, and her son, and she didn’t want to hurt Harry further. “I trust him.”

“Trust _him?_ Do you know who he is? The rumors about-“

She held her hand up and his words slammed to a halt. “Harry, I’m not the only one who has been kept in the dark.” She wanted to say more, to convince him that Severus wasn’t bad, but she knew it would only be an attempt at convincing herself. She knew _what_ he was, could image the things he had done under the Dark Lord’s orders. She knew that the fact Severus was _here,_ under Dumbledore’s supervision meant something as well. Her head began to throb. There were too many things she didn’t know the answer to. Too many questions she didn’t want to ask. Right now, she couldn’t ask any of them.

“Harry, I’ve _missed_ you. I just want to get to know the son I always should have. Can…can we do that? Discuss the rest later?”

Harry stared back at her before lifting the left corner of his lips into a lopsided smile that reminded her of James and breaking her heart further. “Okay.”

 


	6. Relashio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes! Sorry for such a late update. I promise the next one will come sooner.

Severus had leaned against the stone wall beside the hidden door to his quarters all this time. He couldn’t convince himself to leave, too many possibilities filling his mind. If Lily needed him, if the Dark Lord happened to call, he couldn’t be down the hall in his office. Never mind the fact that one of his least favorite students was currently making himself comfortable inside his home. He kept an eye on his watch all the while, unsurprised that this reunion wasn’t short, but knowing that soon it would need to end.

With fifteen minutes until the top of the hour, he rapped sharply on the door, the sound of his knuckles smacking wood resonating down the empty, portraitless hallway. Nothing. The absurdity of it all, breakfast would be ending shortly, and classes would begin. There was no time for this. His hand gripped the knob, pulling on it slowly in warning.

Muffled words drifted through the doorway, interspersed with the occasional sniffle. He opened it further. “I’m afraid time is up. You have classes, Potter.”

The back of the boy’s head, dark hair mussed about, faced him, his arms around his mother. Her hold on him was tight, the thin muscles visible in her arms holding him uncomfortably. Harry pulled back, a hand wiping across his face, no doubt ridding himself of tears. When he turned in Severus’ direction, his gaze was locked on that of the floor, unable to meet Severus’ eyes. Even with the tilt of his head, the red of his cheeks streaked with the shine of tears were noticeable.

He was thankful for the boy’s embarrassment, feeling his own swell within him. Had they locked eyes; Severus wasn’t sure how to react. Children were out of expertise, _crying_ children even more so. He remained still on the stone as Harry passed him, as the latch clicked open and the wood thudded shut. Only when he was sure Harry had begun to move down the hall, that he wouldn’t be coming back, did he approach Lily.

“Life hasn’t been kind to him.”

Lily ran her thumb across the waterline of her eye, stretching her lid as she did so before a sniffle, a bubble of snot escaped her. She gave a chuckle despite herself before the tears came again, more suddenly than the subdued kind he had walked in on.

“I don’t understand.” Her words were broken, voice undulating like waves of a sea, her eyes the watery green of seaweed as she looked back at him.

His lips were held tight together, no words escaping him. Did she mean Harry? Her situation? This entire fucking thing? Because he held the same answer for all three. He was of no help. “Sirius? Remus? They aren’t aware, correct?”

Her tears seemed to dry at the words, the stifled sobs caught in her throat. “I haven’t even…I didn’t even think of them.” She seemed ashamed, her head dropping to her hands, her fingers clawing at the skin of her face before hushed words escaped her lips. “They tried to protect us, and I didn’t…”

“No matter. Until we are aware what we’re dealing with, with what the Dark Lord expects of you, it would be wise to keep this to ourselves. The school is uncommonly full at the moment – a factor I’ll fill you on later.” A necessary chat he absolutely dreaded. “We don’t want this getting messier than it needs to be.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Occlumency, as we discussed, perhaps for Harry as well. In the meantime, I’m afraid I have classes to teach.”

He thought of her all throughout, his mind and his work subdued as the day passed by him. His mind lingered on her as Turpin knocked over his cauldron of draught of living death, black sludge creeping across the metallic table and burning what lay beneath. He thought of her as detention was assigned, as his face grew red in anger and the boy’s grew shy.

He thought of her through the uneventful second period, of which he was spared any accidents and nearly as many questions. He was thankful for the remedial potion of the calming draught, and likely the blue fumes that billowed into the classroom as well. For while the students in front of him brewed, he felt the calmest he had been since Lily’s sudden reappearance.

With the class ending, he had rushed from the room nearly as hastily as the students before him, equally as anxious to be free of the place. He had paused only long enough to ensure the room was free of students, and that the door was locked behind him before he found himself taking long steps down the Slytherin corridor. And, as he walked, sliding past the students that filled the hall, he thought of her.

Severus had told her that house elves could provide food and whatever else she may need, for he couldn’t be there at all times. As a professor, and specifically, as head of house, he was required to sit at the high table, to watch over and control his snakes. And, he thought of her still as he picked through the food on his plate, his eyes level with his students and the Durmstrang ones staggered among them.

There was no need to say that her appearance baffled him. Part of him still couldn’t believe it despite knowing the truth. And, despite everything she had been through, of which he still questioned, she had remained the same. There was changes there, yes, cracks in her being, the fragility of her shattered by circumstance, but she was there, underneath it all. The twinkle in her eyes had been snuffed out, but the embers remained, ready to be ignited once more.

They had been friends in their youth, but nothing more. He loved her, he cared for her, but such feelings had only been platonic. Now, with her back, he felt that feeling beginning to change. Since learning of her death, he had hoped that he may be wrong, that somewhere out there she still existed. Never had he thought that it would become reality, believing it until now to be little more than a foolish desire.

And, Harry. The boy always complicated things. Since his presence began at the school four years ago, he had been nothing but trouble, an ever-present pain in Severus’ side. At the thought, his eyes searched the Gryffindor crowd. Durmstrang had sat with the Slytherins while the Beauxbatons had chosen the Ravenclaws, leaving the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables untouched by outsiders. It made finding Harry easier, specifically because the boy was staring back at him.

Severus averted his eyes. He knew her son had questions, but despite how simple the answers were, he felt strange giving them. It was all too personal. This boy he couldn’t stand had suddenly entered a very private area of his life, his home. All of it made Severus uncomfortable, and the look he was receiving even more so. He was grateful that Potter wasn’t in any of his classes that day. He wasn’t sure he could handle looking at him, interacting with him. That problem would come soon enough, and he preferred to push it off as long as he could.

Harry would likely need occlumency too. If the Dark Lord found someway into his mind, defending Lily’s and his own, would be pointless. There would be no need for Severus himself to practice it, as he’d likely be dead. It was yet another task added to his plate.

These were the thoughts that filled his mind during that lunch hour, and the distraction, the thought that Harry was watching him, or perhaps that Karkaroff was as well, didn’t help. When the bell finally chimed in the clock tower and everyone stood, he was stopped by Dumbledore.

The old man dragged him to the side, his voice low so only Severus could hear as the other Professors meandered by. “There will be a meeting tonight. I think it’s time we restarted the Order. Lily is proof that Voldemort’s return is imminent, and we need to be prepared.”

“You will not discuss her return.” It wasn’t a question. Severus eyes burned with the potential of anger. He wouldn’t let Dumbledore destroy her cover, her return.

“Not in detail, no. Her identity won’t be shared.”

It wasn’t the response he had hoped for, but it would have to do.

“Seven o’clock, Grimmauled place.”  Dumbledore turned to go, attempting to end the conversation when Severus reached out, grabbing him by the arm and causing him to stop.

“Sirius can’t know. His potential to fall into the Dark Lord’s trap is too great.”

“Severus.” Dumbledore sighed as if he should have known better. “Harry’s likely already told him.” His grip dropped in defeat, his arm falling to his side and Dumbledore escaped once more. Severus watched him go in frustration, knowing that what he said was likely true. Despite what he had told Harry, he had already disobeyed, sharing the secret to an unsafe party. Maybe it was a mistake sharing it with Harry at all.

“ _Severus_ ” His name came again, urgent and twitchy, and he turned with his own sigh of exasperation. He began his stride to the doors, ignoring Karkaroff's voice as it called after him. “Its changing, you know it!” Yes, yes, he did.

Xxxx

Lily flinched at the heavy thump of the closing door, her limbs tightening around herself in her curled position. Her jump, her fear must have been visible as Severus mumbled a half-hearted apology. He didn’t look at her, instead banging around at his potion's desk, his hands flitting to known places, drawing out ingredients and pieces of equipment. “Severus.” She whispered quietly, not knowing it was the fourth time in just a few hours that he was being called. He froze, the muscles in his shoulders visibly tensing. “I may have been gone a long time, but I still know how to tell when something’s wrong.”

“Oh?”

The two letters were all she got before his work resumed, the _shhk-thud_ of the knife tearing through roots. Despite the screaming in her body that told her not to, that told her he was holding a knife, she stood, pushing the unreasonable thoughts away and approaching him. Her hand grazed his shoulder, letting him know that she was there. He jumped. The knife making a different kind of thud as he dropped it. She blushed, holding back a chuckle of laughter.

“Dumbledore’s starting the Order again. Because of you, we know the Dark Lord is returning.”

“Is that why you’re so jumpy?”

“No, that reasoning lies in the fact that another Death Eater – Karkaroff – and an auror currently reside in the castle. Both of which felt the need for a chat today.”

“An auror?” A flicker of fear entered her voice. What if they found her? Would they believe her allegiance to the light? Her story of kidnapping? Or would she become a prisoner at Azkaban next?

“Mad Eye. He’s the Dark Arts professor this year, although something about him feels…off.” His head was lifted, eyes staring into space in thought before he finally turned to look at her. “Lily, what the bloody hell happened? I found you, I cradled your body, who did I really hold?”

Her eyes fluttered shut, memories of that night coming back to her. The shouts, the explosions of destruction cascading around her, the thud of James’s body as he hit the floor for a final, unmoving time. Her own screams. “He wasn’t alone. He came prepared.”

Severus’ brows came in, his stare growing impossibly more intense as he watched her, trying to figure out just who it could be.

“I… I don’t know who it was. I don’t know who’s a death eater and who isn’t. But, James fought valiantly. He was able to get a fatal hit in and a death eater fell.” Her eyes dropped to the floor; her vision having flooded with tears. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, every second of that night was still painful. “There was a second one who took me, leaving Harry and Voldemort behind, alone. I don’t know what happened after that.” No, all she knew was the tight hold around her abdomen, the hand clamped over her mouth to muffle her screams. She remembered the forced apparition; the vomit of stress that had come after. She remembered the anger, the retaliation that had come as a result of coating her kidnapper in it, of being forced to walk down a hall and into a room, of a clamp going around her ankle. She remembered far too much.

Her gaze drifted upwards again, meeting Severus’ eyes. They were softer, the expanse of black having grown more shallow, resembling that of a dark puddle rather than the night sky, and she realized then, as she looked at him, that despite everything she had been through, she felt _safe_ here.

 


End file.
